Big Brother

This past week, while Rylea and Emery have been with Grant in Cincinnati to get his testing, I have been able to spend some quality time with Cole and it got me thinking about big brothers. I have a big brother who is 2 1/2 years older than me, and technically I am a big brother. I say technically because I am a twin and I am 5 minutes older than my brother. But the relationship I share with my twin is far from the typical big brother-little brother relationship. That is a different story.

It seems to me that big brothers (and big sisters for that matter) are instilled with a parental sense to protect their siblings. I have witnessed this firsthand. My brothers and I had an ill-fated experiment a little over 10 years ago where we decided to all move in to a house together. The last time we all lived together was when we lived with our parents back in high school. So, in our early/mid twenties, we decided to rent a house and live together.

It did not take long for old rivalries to emerge. My older brother's protective nature (at least that is what I am calling it) emerged. He and my twin would often get in to arguments that would devolve into my twin brother saying "okay dad " and walk away. I was working full-time and in school full-time during this little experience so I had little interaction with either during that period. Also, my room was in the basement, so I had an easy getaway. My whole point is my brother’s protectiveness over us.

Grant has an older brother, Cole. Cole is the sweetest kid I have ever met. Even at the tender age of 4, he already thinks of other people before he thinks of himself. One of the biggest challenges Rylea and I faced in relation to Grant was trying to explain to Cole what was going on, especially in terms he could understand. 

Little did we know, he already understood with a maturity well beyond his years. We explained to Cole that Grant was sick and he may be sick for a while. He told us that he knew Grant was not well and asked what was wrong with him. We explained the best we could about Grant's seizures. 

In the months since, he has become Grant’s biggest protector. When Grant has had a seizure, and neither Rylea nor I were in the room to see it, he would come tell us that Grant had a seizure. He will stop Grant from wandering into the street when they are playing in the front yard. And he makes sure the gates are closed at the top and bottom of the stairs so Grant doesn't fall.

Another place where Cole has shown his protective spirit is with Rylea and me. During the beginning of this, Rylea and I were often emotional. Whenever we would see Grant have a seizure, we would pick him up and cuddle with him and ask ourselves when this will all be over. If the seizure was especially bad, such as when we would see him hit his head or he would make a noise we have never heard, Rylea or I would cry while comforting Grant. If Cole saw this he would say "It's going to be okay, Grant Grant is going to get better" (Cole refers to Grant as Grant Grant) and give us a big hug.

There is one thing that Cole has said and still makes tear-up as I write this. During the first trip to Cincinnati Children's Hospital with Grant, Rylea was home with Emery and Cole. Emery was about 2 weeks old and Rylea was rocking him. Cole came up to Rylea and said "Mommy you're sad because your heart is broken, your heart is broken over Grant Grant." He then hugged her.  

I would like to attribute this trait of Cole’s to his upbringing, but then again I guess it may come down to the innate nature of being a big brother. The best big brother Grant and Emery could ever hope to have.  

  

Mother's Intuition

My wife, Rylea, is very stubborn. This is one of the reasons I love her. When she knows she’s right (which is quite often) she will stand by her convictions. The only problem with this is that I am the same way, except I will defend my position even if I know I am wrong just to win a fight. Rylea knows this, and will often use it to her advantage.

Now that you have a brief glimpse into our marriage, I want to talk about the day we found out about Grant’s epilepsy. 

In early March 2013, I had just been laid off from my job. It was a Friday, and as I have learned from the movie Office Space, most lay-offs happen on Fridays to avoid any workplace incidents.  I honestly had to bite my tongue not to say “thank you” when it happened because I was working 80+ hours a week and I really didn’t enjoy the job. I guess that is my lesson learned for taking a job just for the money.    

A few weeks before the lay-off, Rylea had expressed some concern to me about Grant and his development. I had brushed it off as 1) all kids are different and 2) the fact that she was 6-7 months pregnant with our 3^rd and she was hormonal (Yes, an insensitive typical male reaction). She had decided to have a conference with teachers at his preschool. During this conference, they had noticed some things that he wasn’t doing such as interacting with other children well, making eye contact, and reacting to his name. Another thing they noticed was that he was sleeping quite a bit. This is a normal activity early in the year as the majority of the kids in his class still took mid-morning naps. But, nearly 3/4^ths  through the year, Grant was still sleeping 45 minutes to an hour a day in class and it’s only a 3 hour program. Rylea had also noticed Grant doing what she had called a head drop.

The conference took place the same day I was laid-off.  When I got home, Rylea told me about the conference and that she was really concerned about Grant. I tried to assuage some these concerns by ignorantly telling her Grant was not Cole and all kids are different. I say I said this ignorantly because she is a teacher at the boys’ preschool and has seen tons of kids between the ages of 6 months to 4 years old. She knows very well that all kids are different.

Rylea was adamant that there was something seriously wrong with Grant. Over the course of the weekend, we had numerous discussions, some heated, over her concerns with Grant. This is where her stubbornness kicked in. She continually brought up the subject of Grant’s head drops. I had finally given on the fact that there is something wrong with Grant, I was still in denial about the seriousness, but we had decided to make an appointment with the pediatrician the following Monday.

Over the course of the weekend, Rylea discovered the internet can be your best friend but also your worst enemy. Her worst fears were that Grant was autistic, while this had entered my mind, I refused to accept it. Rylea then told me she thought Grant may be having seizures. The only knowledge I had of seizures were ones I had seen on TV or the movies; the ones where someone is convulsing on the ground and foaming at the mouth and you have shove your wallet in their mouth to keep them from swallowing their tongue (which is not what you should do, I have now learned).  So when Rylea brought up seizures, I was extremely skeptical. The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Grant isn’t having seizures.

Rylea: I really think he is, I think the head drop he does are seizures.

Me: Why are you obsessed with the head drop thing?

Rylea: Because there something seriously wrong with him and think that is part of it.

Me: Kids do quirky things.

Rylea: I know, but that just doesn’t seem right, something is seriously wrong.

Me: It’s not that bad, you are focused on a little quirk.

Rylea: No I am not! I really think he is having seizures, look at this video I found online…

Me: Are you serious?! You really need to stay off the internet. It only makes you worry more.

Rylea: I know, but something is wrong with Grant.

Me: We will make an appointment on Monday, until then, please stay off the internet.
Rylea: Okay. (continues to browse the internet)

The following Monday, I made an appointment with Grant’s pediatrician. I showed him a video I took of Grant and the head drop (click here to see the video I showed the doctor). I showed him the video partly to alleviate Rylea’s fears that there wasn’t anything that seriously wrong with Grant and partly to be right for once. Well, once again, I was wrong. The pediatrician saw the video and said that he wanted Grant to see a neurologist as soon as possible. We were able to get an appointment with a neurologist the very next day. I showed them the video and he had a series of head drops in the office. Once the neurologist saw the video and witnessed in the office a few head drops, Grant was immediately put on a medication and other tests were scheduled. Thus began his current journey.

What I learned from this was that Rylea is always right, especially when comes to our children. She may be stubborn to a fault sometimes, but a mother always knows. Especially a mother as good as Rylea.